Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
