You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
