About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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