So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
