She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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