My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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