Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
