The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
