she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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