I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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