Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Bring me that man meat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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