My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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