Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize