I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
