The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
