Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
