Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
