I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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