I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
