We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
