We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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