then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
