my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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