i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
