Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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