I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also, beer. Big fan.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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