The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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