Joe is yelling at the trees again.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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