I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
