I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The Olympian is in my bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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