wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How's work?
Spinning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
