True but thats because hes a fetus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
