Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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