SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
