How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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