wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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