Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
they need to just BURY HIM!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
