Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
