Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize