Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
