maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
