I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
