Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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