Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
