They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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