Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize