I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
