please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
