True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bring money and cleavage
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
