Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
