I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
