I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
