Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
