People in love make me want to vomit
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
