clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
