I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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