Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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