P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
