I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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