Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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