that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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