im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
thus making me awesome and them whores
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
