just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
