You made me cry and you don't even care
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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