I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
